I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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