Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
