OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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