UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
