Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
