Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
