I want to make a zoo with you.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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