he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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