Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
