Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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