Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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