I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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