there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
