i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
