One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
