imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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