He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
