The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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