You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
