areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
