what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
