I wish you could order shots online.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
