I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
