she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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