Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
