i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
