They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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