So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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