They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
