hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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