Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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