I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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