He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
worst night to have a conscience
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
