you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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