I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
