well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
