Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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