His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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