Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
