Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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