Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
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