Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
