Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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