we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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