I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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