So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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