: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
