what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
