what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
