He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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