Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
