I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
