I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
