this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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