dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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