YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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