He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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