I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
