Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
