Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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